Growing in Virtue

Have you ever found yourself in a disagreement where you believed with every fiber of your being that your viewpoint was objectively true while the other person’s position was weaker than yours? Oftentimes, disagreements like these result in frustration on both ends, resulting in both parties feeling polarized. It can even cause a break in the relationship, or at the very least, create a negative outlook of the opposing person. So, if that’s the case, what’s the point? Should Christians be engaged in arguments or disagreements at all?
 
It can feel impossible to communicate without becoming combative or wreaking havoc on our relationships, especially when it comes to politics, religion, and confrontation in general. So, how do we best handle sensitive discussions as Christians, knowing that tensions are high?
 
As Christians, we are called to be defenders of the truth, especially when it has to do with Christ and His teachings. Jesus tells us in the Gospels that we will be hated for his sake, but we should consider how we want to defend the truth to others even if they hate us for it. Does our faith give us any wisdom on how to do this? Thankfully, it does.
 
Anytime we find ourselves at odds with someone, we should remember that every human being is one of the little ones who Jesus came to save. Next, we ought to take a moment to relate the experience to the Lord and ask a few important questions.
 

1. What is upsetting me about this person, situation, or viewpoint?
2. Is what I want to say to this person true?
3. Is what I want to say to this person necessary for their own holiness or personal growth?
4. Is what I want to say charitable and does it account for the dignity of the person on the other end of the conversation?
5. And finally, if the answer to all these questions justifies the conversation, how can I communicate this truth in charity so that the person in question is able to receive it?

 
I’ve often heard the argument that love is telling the truth even if it is hard to receive. And while that might be the case, if we are really seeking the goodwill of the other in proclaiming the truth, shouldn’t we also make sure the truth is palatable to those on the receiving end? St. Paul says to the people of Corinth, “Brothers, I could not talk to you as spiritual people, but as fleshy people, as infants in Christ. I fed you milk, not solid food, because you were unable to take it” (1 Corinthians 3:1-2).
 
I am not suggesting that we water down the truth or make concessions for sin; rather, that truth spoken boldly with charity will give room for conversion and reconciliation. In 1 Corinthians 13, St. Paul writes, “If I speak in human and angelic tongues but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal…love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, [love] is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails (1 Cor 13: 1,4-8).”
 
If we believe these words to be true, then we are also invited to make truth and charity a priority in our relationships and conversations with others. Let us use these words from St. Paul to ensure that our hearts and our intentions are always rightly ordered.