The Greatest Gift Is Love

Gretchen resides in Lafayette, La. with her husband, Paul, of 27 years. They are the proud parents of five children: Marie, Jacob, Sarah, Clare, and Addie. Gretchen is active in her Church, leads a women’s small group, and helps alongside her husband with marriage ministry. She serves The Acadiana area as a real estate agent with Keller-Williams.

During my early young adult years, I remember feeling an aversion to “girly” things. A couple of ways this new thinking manifested in my life was that I no longer liked the color pink, and I tried hard not to let my sensitive side show. Maybe it was because I grew up with brothers and mostly boy cousins. Perhaps it was because I thought these more feminine ways were a sign of weakness and I wanted to be seen as tough. Regardless, I had yet to understand the gift of my femininity.

As I matured and grew in my faith, I discovered St. John Paul II’s Letter to Women. Through it, I discovered that “woman has a genius all her own.” This “genius” expresses an essential nature or spirit. With curiosity and great joy, I dove deeper into what this holy man had to say about this genius and about femininity overall. As I journeyed through the letter with other women, I began to embrace who I am. What a privilege it is to be a woman! But who could I model my life after so as to integrate this identity as a woman in my day to day? The answer should have been obvious, but I was happy to have it spelled out for me. St. John Paul II writes, “The church sees in Mary the highest expression of the ‘feminine genius’ and she finds in her a source of constant inspiration.” 

Our Church, in its wisdom, has set aside this holy season of Advent to reflect on that very first Advent two thousand years ago. What can Mary show us about what it means to be a woman, particularly through the events leading up to the birth of Christ? What can we as women learn by looking more closely at what those nine months of her life might have been like? How can she inspire us to more fully live out of our God-given identity as women?
A woman’s identity involves four components. She is daughter, sister, mother, and bride. Our core and primary identity as women is that of daughter. Fully receiving and accepting that divine filiation as a beloved daughter of God will not be completely realized in our hearts on this side of Heaven. It is a truth that I often forget and have to go back to again and again when I’m tempted to perform, earn, compare, compete, grasp, strive, cower, take credit. When I turn my gaze to a humble teenage Jewish girl from Nazareth, I remember. The angel Gabriel appears to Mary and speaks words that were surely a great surprise to her listening heart. Her response reveals a young woman who knew well her core identity as daughter.

Growing up in a holy Jewish family, Mary would have been familiar with the scriptures. She knew she was loved by God and precious in His eyes. She knew He would never leave her or forsake her. She knew He was the Lord, and it was He who made her strong and courageous. Mary had received the truth of her belovedness as a daughter of God. Her yes was a natural expression of the grace that was already at work in her life. She replied with those famous words, “Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord; let it be done unto me according to your word” (Luke 1:38). Yes, I will trust you, even though I don’t know the road ahead. Yes, I will surrender to You and to this unexpected plan. Her heart was wide open to receive Love Himself.  She responded with great faith, trust, and generosity when she heard of the mission that would be entrusted to her upon her consent. I desire to imitate this humble handmaid as daughter.

Filled with joy, Mary went in haste to visit her cousin Elizabeth, whom she had learned from the angel was also expecting, “for nothing will be impossible for God” (Luke 1:37). Mary had received her identity as daughter and now chose to give the gift of sisterhood to her old and once barren cousin. What great jubilation must have been present that day! These two women, both pregnant, both in seemingly impossible circumstances, were filled with the Holy Spirit and blessed each other with their presence and their words. Together they rejoiced in the mighty things God had done and fully received the other. I imagine these cousins and friends taking turns placing their hands on the other’s pregnant belly, in awe of their good and faithful God. I imagine laughter, delight, and warm embraces. I imagine support, encouragement, affirmation and even hard conversations.

Pondering this great meeting of feminine hearts reminds me of the importance of sisterhood. As we are rooted and grounded in love as daughters, we can rightly see and receive the other, without fear of our lack, without question regarding our own gifts, without envy of a sister’s blessings. Mary shows us how to seek out sisters in faith and how to show up for them.

As an expectant mother during that first Advent, Mary becomes a shelter of love open to God’s very life silently growing within her womb. She is empty of herself and creates a safe space for the seed of God to mature. With patience, trust, and tenderness, she offers her body and soul as a living tabernacle for Jesus. Mary allows God to expand within her so she can grow in love and birth Him as a gift to the world.

This model of Mary’s motherhood in its infancy is not just for biological mothers. It is for all women. Edith Stein, also known as St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross, wrote, “The woman’s soul is fashioned as a shelter in which other souls may unfold." A major aspect of our feminine genius is that we are open to all human beings and acknowledge his or her inherent dignity, created by God for love and for life with Him forever. We are called to receive God’s divine life and love and to bear it forth to the world. We are called to be life-givers, mothers, in whatever ways the Lord calls us. We are called to give Him permission to expand our hearts and souls and increase our capacity to love. We are called to empty ourselves so that He can fill us with His love. We are called to be shelters of love for others. Mary, pray for us to mother like you and be a mother to us on this journey!

The final Advent events mentioned in the Bible are Mary and Joseph’s journey to and arrival in the city of Bethlehem. As Joseph’s wife, Mary trusts him to lead, guide, and protect her. Her ripe pregnant body traveled nearly ninety miles on a donkey to the place where Jesus was destined to be born. But Mary knew it wasn’t Joseph who completed her, although he was an amazing husband and a man of great love, faith, and virtue who loved her with the heart of God. She knew her identity as bride was first and foremost a call to union with her Creator. As the Spouse of the Holy Spirit, Mary continuously chooses to make a sincere gift of herself and allows Love to be born again and again. She keeps saying yes, suffering well, for love.

Women are called to be bride. Perhaps this identity will manifest partly in a vocation to marriage, but ultimately, we, like Mary, are called to be the bride of the Holy Spirit; to grow in union with God so that we can live the way He created us to live and so that we can persist in love. His spousal love transforms us. Mary’s witness as bride is the perfect example of following God’s lead, allowing Him to guide, protect and care for our feminine hearts. It’s the perfect example of communion with God in all things as she models an abiding relationship with Him.

This Advent, I pray that the Lord will give us the grace to ponder more deeply, as was customary throughout Mary’s life, to consider what it truly means to be a woman. There is a tombstone in the cemetery of a nearby retreat center that has always struck me. The epitaph on the tombstone says, “She gave her greatest gift, love.” May we open wide our hearts to receive the love of God in new and deeper ways this Advent season and courageously bear it forth to the world around us. May love be our legacy. Mary, God-bearer, pray for us!