Questions of Faith

I have a teenage son who is considering a vocation to priesthood or religious life. He believes that it is a call from God. As a parent, what should I do to help him discern whether God is actually calling him to consider a life of a priest or religious?

Discerning a vocation to the priesthood or religious life would not be the “normal” path the majority of teenagers would choose for after graduation. How their peers would respond, their teachers, their family—especially their parents, are concerns in responding to the Lord’s call for various reasons, fear being a major factor.

For example, I didn’t want my friends to find out before I graduated because I was afraid I wouldn’t get a date for prom. I also hesitated to tell my parents because I didn’t know how they would respond. I dropped the idea on different occasions while they were distracted—Mom was cooking at the stove; Dad was lying down on the sofa half asleep while watching a golf match.

The difficult part for the teenager discerning priesthood is getting the courage to tell his parents. The difficult part for the parents is responding the right way to support their son’s discernment. “Mom and Dad, I am thinking about being a priest,” or “I am thinking about being a religious.” Honestly, how would you respond if your child said that to you? Would this be a dream come true or your worst nightmare?

Knowing and understanding your own feelings and your reasons for them is an important step in knowing how to respond to your son. The vast majority of teens today feel their parents would be completely opposed to the idea, laugh at them, or in some other way not take them seriously and say it’s a phase they’re just going through because of some “spiritual high.”

The Catechism of the Catholic Church explains, “It is in the bosom of the family that parents are ‘by word and example . . . the first heralds of the faith with regard to their children. They should encourage them in the vocation, which is proper to each child, fostering with special care any religious vocation’” (1656). It adds, “Parents have the mission of teaching their children to pray and to discover their vocation as children of God” (2226). So, what should a parent do to help the teenager discover and discern his vocation?

Be Supportive: Your support as a parent is most likely valued more than that of any other figure in your son’s life. Communication is important. Don’t start treating him differently and be honest with him about your worries and concerns about his vocation. One helpful question is, “What is the most important thing I can do to help and support you?” This simple question will mean a great deal to your son and is a further sign of your unconditional love as a parent. Encourage him to explore his vocation through prayer, diocesan retreats and events for vocations, and seminary visits.

Be Informed: Ask questions but be aware that your son may not have many answers initially, so perhaps talk to your pastor, another priest you trust, or the vocation director. A helpful book available from Vianney Vocations is A Priest in the Family: A Guide for Parents Whose Sons Are Considering Priesthood by Father Brett Brannen.

Be a Patient Listener: Initially your son may not share much: Some because it is so personal, others because they are anxious, and some from fear of rejection or mockery. Let him know he can talk to you about his vocation anytime. Listen without judging or criticizing and reassure your son that whatever the decision, he will be loved and accepted by you. A helpful question is, “Is your discernment of priesthood something that you’d like me to keep confidential at the moment?” This will assure your son of your respect for his “pace” of discernment and of its public knowledge.

Be Prayerful: Talk with the Lord in prayer. Be honest with him regarding how you feel about your son’s vocation. Pray for your son each day that he may come to know clearly the Lord’s calling. Don’t neglect praying also for your other children’s vocation. Ask for the Lord’s guidance in helping with your son’s discernment.

Pope Francis reminds us, “Behind and before every vocation to the priesthood or to the consecrated life there is always the strong and intense prayer of someone: A grandmother, a grandfather, a mother, a father, a community” (Regina Caeli, 21 April 2013).